Still in the throes of grief

My beloved Pastor of 15 years went to Heaven last month. I can’t believe it’s been that long. Thank God he’s no longer suffering but in the arms of his Saviour, never to feel any more pain.

I went back to church after a long respite, and as always it was wonderful. God is still working in our church, and has never left one need unmet. Still there’s a vacant hole in my heart where my beloved Pastor used to reside. Knowing he won’t be there to welcome me, to encourage me with his sound wisdom no matter what the reason, even to give me a gentle but loving rebuke for not printing the bulletin properly, it just seems so hard. When he died, he left this need unmet, namely, my personal affection for him that is now just a memory. I miss him so much.

I wanted to go in his office today to just relive a few memories… waiting in his chair until he finished his bit on the bulletin, being offered a piece of candy just because he loved to give things to people, and many other precious memories that will always remain in my heart. He would arrive there on Saturday mornings in all kinds of weather, rain or shine, snow or heat, to write out his own Pastor’s Corner. It was one of his characteristics.

I wanted to stand there before his desk and soak it all in. I saw his office, as I called it, the “Holy of Holies,” so to speak. But all the memories are gone, and it is now an empty shell, all that’s left of a life that was lived for God and now is flown away. What once housed a man of God who prayed to God for power and wisdom before every service and wept unashamedly for the lost is now just an empty room, cold and lifeless. Yet I know it will once again house another man of God who has just as much fire and fervent love for the Lord as my beloved Pastor had. Yet, it will never be the same.

Here’s to 15 years of service in the house of God. I miss him, but I know I will see him again very soon.

“Oh Lord, You have shown us that death is but the gateway to a more glorious life, and that we must not fear its coming. Again, assure us that our departed comrade is not a loss to us, but is now sharing a new life with You in Your glorious Kingdom. We all understand that in time, we will be reunited with our departed comrade who is with You right now.”

3 thoughts on “Still in the throes of grief

  1. ********In Christ Alone********

    In Christ alone my hope is found
    He is my light, my strength, my song
    This cornerstone, this solid ground
    Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
    What heights of love, what depths of peace
    When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
    My comforter, my all in all
    Here, in the love of Christ, I stand

    In Christ alone, who took on flesh
    Fullness of God in helpless babe
    This gift of love and righteousness
    Scorned by the ones he came to save
    ‘Til on that cross, as Jesus died
    The wrath of God was satisfied
    For every sin, on him, was laid
    Here, in the death of Christ, I live

    There in the ground, his body lay
    Light of the world, by darkness, slain
    Then bursting forth in glorious day
    Up from the grave, he rose again
    And as he stands in victory
    Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
    For I am his and he is mine
    Bought with the precious blood of Christ

    No guilt in life, no fear in death
    This is the power of Christ in me
    From life’s first cry to final breath
    Jesus commands my destiny
    No power of hell, no scheme of man
    Could ever pluck me from his hand
    ‘Til he returns or calls me home
    Here, in the power of Christ, I stand.

    May God bless you Denise and comfort you. I’m still praying for you!

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